Not sure why I haven’t ventured here yet, but I reckon it’s about time. My obsession with half-naked, male violence — as certain ex-roommates and current girlfriends would put it — isn’t exactly classified information. Today, my friends, let’s talk broken noses, shattered wrists and battered, swollen eyes.
For two UFC events last year, I put together a pick-’em style pool for a group of friends. It worked fairly well each time, especially since I went yard and won the second pool (Thank you, KenFlo, for choking in the big ones). For my internetization of said pools, I will use the same picks format, which is as follows:
Here’s what I’m calling for the the first six fights this Saturday at UFC 140: Jones vs. Machida.
Mitch Clarke def. John Cholish, Submission (guillotine choke), Round 1
First fight of the night will be anything but a snoozefest. Two skilled submission fighters trying to earn a spot on the UFC lightweight roster does not equal boring, professor. Too bad you and I won’t see it. I’m giving this one to the Canadian Clarke because he has finished two opponents with the guillotine and Cholish’s lone defeat was of the same variety. Plus, Toronto’s Air Canada Centre is the venue. Homefield advantage goes to Clarke.
Rich Attonito def. Jake Hecht, Unanimous Decision, Round 3
Not the most intriguing fight on the card, but it will be free on Facebook. I’m going with Attonito, a UFC four-fight veteran, over the younger Hecht. Why? My gut says so. Neither seems to be a surefire finisher, and if newbie nerves bothered Rampage his first time in the Octagon, I’ll bet they knock Hecht off kilter just enough for him to concede the first two rounds.
Mark Bocek def. Nik Lentz, Submission (triangle choke), Round 2
I could argue that three of Bocek’s four losses are to Frankie Edgar, Ben Henderson and Jim Miller. I could argue that he’s fighting in his hometown of Toronto. I could even argue that he’s one of the most skilled jiu-jitsu fighters in the UFC today. Unnecessary. His opponent is nicknamed “The Carny.” That is all.
Walel Watson def. Yves Jabouin, TKO (punches), Round 1
Shot in the dark. Bell will ring, they’ll circle for 25 seconds, measure up and find range, then go Rock’Em-Sock’Em Robots on each other. Either one will fall, or they’ll go the distance. I’m guessing the former.
Dennis Hallman def. John Makdessi, Unanimous Decision, Round 3
Makdessi has nine pro fights under his belt. Hallman has three million. As long as he doesn’t come out in nut huggers again, Hallman will take the fight to the mat, neutralize Makdessi’s kickboxing and work his way toward snapping an arm. I don’t think he’ll get the sub because “The Bull” is tough. Nevertheless, Hallman should roll.
Jared Hamman def. Constantinos Philippou, TKO (punches), Round 3
I support any and all who turn C.B. Dollaway’s lights off. Hamman will get it done in an exhausting slugfest.
Krzysztof Soszynski def. Igor Pokrajac, TKO (punches), Round 1
Your classic Polish vs. Croatian pairing, eh? Soszynski, “The Polish Experiment,” looks every bit of a mad man. His last three fights haven’t been too showy, but I feel like he’s due to take someone’s head off. Unfortunately for Pokrajac, he’s on deck. I’m going with Soszynski, one of the few fighters to ever finish Stephan Bonnar.
Mark Hominick def. Chan Sung Jung, Unanimous decision, Round 3
It was tempting to take “The Korean Zombie” via submission given Hominick’s old tendency to get caught, but I can’t shake the real-man stuff “The Machine” brought when he fought champion Jose Aldo. I don’t think Hominick will finish Jung — let’s face it, you can’t KO someone who’s brain is always sloshing around — but he’ll be the lead in this dance. Jung will seem slow to Hominick after fighting the champ.
Brian Ebersole def. Claude Patrick, Split Decision, Round 3
Here’s what will happen: Ding ding ding! Circle right. Circle right. Circle right. Feint. Circle left. Change levels while circling left. Low kick that swings so short of contact, the kicker spins to regain footing. Repeat. Eventually, this fight will get to the ground. The faster that happens, the better for Ebersole. Both fighters are 31, but Ebersole has four times as many fights. He has more submission victories than Patrick has bouts. He’ll find a away to continue his hot streak, but it will not be pretty. Bust out the beer pong for this one.
Tito Ortiz def. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Unanimous Decision, Round 3
I’m not a fan of Tito, but it’s tough not to root for the guy after his fight against Bader (let’s forget about Rashad for a moment). Tito walked to the Octagon pumped on some sort of raging testosterome, tears streaming down his face. Those weren’t ‘fraidy-cat, poon tears, those were I’m-fixin’-to-tear-yo-house-down tears. Ask Ryan Bader how that worked out. Tito sticks, moves, grounds and pounds his way to a decision because Lil’ Nog has looked more than a lil’ lost during his UFC stint.
Frank Mir def. Minotauro Nogueira, TKO (punches), Round 2
I realize it’s a pretty steep bet to call for a Nogueira to get his lights turned off, but here’s the thing: Liddell was king of the counter punchers until his jaw devolved into Jell-O. Big Nog looked good against Brendan Schaub, but I thought Schaub was hesitant. Prior to that fight, Nogueira looked sluggish. He always has the chance to pull the come-from-behind victory, but I think Mir is too smart and seasoned a fighter to allow that. Their jiu-jitsu skills cancel each other out, and Big Nog’s last of explosiveness will leave him vulnerable. Mir to the house for Lesnar, round third.
Jon Jones def. Lyoto Machida, TKO (elbows), Round 4
An obvious selection, but let me say something first. People are forgetting just how dangerous Machida was. He KO’d Rashad, who in late 2008 and early 2009 looked like the quickest, baddest man on the planet. He clocked Thiago Silva and rushed for the finish with the kind of blood lust you don’t expect from a guy who’s always backing up. Let’s be clear: Machida is a bad bitch. The reason you’re doubting him? The greatest (light heavyweight) fighter alive since the best fighter retired, Jon Jones. You know as well as I do that it would take a monumental lapse in concentration — see Serra vs. St-Pierre 1 — for Jones to lose this one. Jones is faster than Rampage, stronger than Shogun and his reach will prevent Machida from closing in to land any real power shots. Once Machida gets inside, Jones will play the part of python, chucking the Brazilian to the mat and swinging those elbows to pick up another title defense.
‘Til next time. Enjoy the violence.
